“I’m a bit too late to the party here, but there’s actually something interested to be said about this.
I’m involved with some rape crisis activism, and one of the metaphors that activists use when talking about date rape is that of drunk driving.
Thirty years ago, the ‘responsible’ attitude toward drunk driving was “On New Year’s Eve, stay off the streets, because there are a lot of drunk drivers out there who might kill you.” And then, starting in the 1980s, there was a concerted public health effort to shift the paradigm toward the phrase we all have drummed into our heads: “Friends don’t let friends drive drunk.” As in, it’s not your responsibility to hide from drunk drivers; it’s your job to recognize that drunk driving is irresponsible and unacceptable, and to prevent your friends from doing it - in other words, to make drunk driving taboo. And it worked! Lots of us in our late 20s think of drunk driving as a secular mortal sin…something we would never, ever do, and that we would be disgusted and angry to have discovered our friends had done.
Right now, we think of it as girls’ responsibility to protect themselves from rape: don’t get tanked! don’t leave your drink unattended! don’t let your friends leave you at the bar! etc. This is the “stay off the streets, drunk drivers might be out there!” safety model. But someday, a generation or so from now, it might be something different. It might be: “Friends don’t let friends have sex with drunk people.” Or, to put it slightly differently: our kids might take it for granted that you need active, sober consent from someone before you bone them. Shocking!
Does that sound horribly harsh? Are you about to rush to your keyboard and say, “That’s so unfair! Lots of times when drunk people say they want to have sex, they really mean it!” Sure. And the truth is, most of the time when you get behind the wheel when you’re drunk, you get home safely. But sometimes, when you drive drunk, people get hurt. And that girl who is stumbling along next to you might be in a blackout, or the survivor of some really fucked up abuse, or you might be too drunk yourself, and in too much of a rush to realize that the scared 18 year old you’re about to get with is whispering “no” and doesn’t mean it as a joke.
Here’s a message from the future: don’t have sex with drunk people. If you meet a drunk girl at the bar, flirt with her, make out with her on the street corner, and program your number into the phone. If she invites you home, hey, sure, go back with her and make out til dawn. Then fall asleep, make some breakfast, and distract yourself from your hangover by doing it to your hearts’ content once you’re sober.
After all, what have you got to lose? If you truly don’t believe she’ll still sleep with you once her head clears…how much was that consent worth to you, really?”—
From a person on Reddit whose name is, surprisingly enough, whataperv. I’m not posting this because you guys need a lecture about consent, but because this was a surprisingly effective argument that swayed some of Reddit’s alarmingly pro-rape posters.
The original comment is here, but don’t read any of the others. Like I said, some Redditors can be pretty… rapey.
“Gov. Bill Haslam has signed the bill reversing Metro’s new nondiscrimination ordinance, dealing a blow to opponents who had mounted a campaign urging him to veto the bill.” Haslam signed the Equal Access to Intrastate Commerce Act, HB 600, Monday afternoon, a spokesman confirmed without additional comment. The bill effectively reverses an ordinance passed by the Metro Council that required contractors with the city to agree to follow Metro’s rules barring discrimination against gay, lesbian and transgendered people.”
This also bans all local governments from enacting anti-discrimination laws.
DON’T LET THIS SLIP BY UNNOTICED. Tennessee is doing everything possible to deny equality to LGBTetc people. Don’t forget the “Don’t Say Gay” bill either! Let it be known that this Tennesseean is NOT happy.
I stumbled upon this little gem the other day. It’s not technically a “not racist but”, but I just… I can’t… I don’t… I… Um… yeah. Well, um… at least this person’s heart is in the right place? Or something? I just… yeah. Someone out there thinks this is a legitimate way to achieve world peace. Try wrapping your head around that without giving yourself an aneurysm.
It is none of my goddamned business if a random 400-pound (or 150-pound, or 90-pound) woman is healthy or not. Just as it’s none of my business how much money she makes or how her sex life is going. Health is private. Period.
What I do believe – and what I feel perfectly qualified to proclaim from the rooftops - is that every woman at every weight, shape, and size deserves to be treated with respect, deserves to feel loved, deserves to make her own decisions about her own body. Every woman at every weight, shape, and size deserves to have a fabulous time exploring her personal style and honing her unique look. Every woman at every weight, shape, and size can define health for herself. And, above all, every woman at every weight, shape, and size deserves to be happy. Every woman at every weight, shape, and size CAN be happy. And anyone who claims that happiness is contingent on weight is foolish and misguided, prejudiced and small-minded.
I’m not interested in quantifying the health of other women. I’m not qualified to make decrees about the health of other women. But I’m making it my life’s work to make sure that other women are happy. Happy with their lives, their bodies, their very existences.
Because happiness trumps everything, and we all deserve a piece of it. ALL of us. Including you.
Just because it’s not a prettily-worded, fancy-pants compliment from some hoity-toity asshole doesn’t mean they don’t think you look good.
So take that rod out of that bodacious ass of yours and love it.
That’s actually ….not how it works.
It’s NOT a compliment—it’s creepy and it’s scary, because what will happen when I DON’T respond the way you want? Will you tackle me to the ground and force me to “shut the fuck up and enjoy it”? Also, I’m not a fucking cat, and that area between my legs isn’t a pussy—least of all yours. Yet, I bet you talk to your cats more respectfully than you talk to most women. Which is actually tragic.
You can pretend that this behavior is a compliment if you just want to lie to yourself, but kindly shut the entire fuck up about this idea that women are supposed to go along with your delusions.
“Life insurance is something that you pay a premium for and, if you have an accident, your family receives money to recoup costs. An abortion rider would be something you pay for in order to, if you have an unwanted or nonviable pregnancy, terminate the pregnancy without it costing even more than if you didn’t have the coverage in the first place.
Now, taking just a moment to look at the overall picture of what is being discussed, it needs to be said clearly.
A Republican just suggested a woman should have to “plan ahead” and obtain insurance in case she is raped. She should have a plan ready in case she is raped. I cannot repeat that enough - a Republican lawmaker believes that women should be planning for a future in which she is raped, just in case.
As I mentioned the first time I reblogged this: this is a war on people with uteruses or people who can get pregnant — not all people who can get pregnant are women and not all women are capable of getting pregnant.
This isn’t the first and only thing that’s happened that makes people say that there is a war on people who can get pregnant. Remember the recent attempts to take federal funding away from Planned Parenthood? How about that time that an Iowa woman was arrested for thinking about getting an abortion? Have you ever heard about mandatory delays and counseling for people seeking abortions? What about certain abortion-related bills passed by the Oklahoma Senate in April 2010, including one that would require a person “to get an ultrasound at least one hour prior to an abortion and be shown the image and given a detailed explanation of it” (plus, a vaginal probe would be used if the ultrasound didn’t provide a clear enough image)? What about the constant pro-life/anti-choice propaganda, scare tactics, and misinformation (including racist billboards)? I could go on and on, but seriously — freedom of choice has been under attack for a long time now, since before Roe v. Wade, and continuing until the present day. So, yeah, there is a war on people who can get pregnant. There are people who are continuously and desperately trying to limit people’s choices, so this politician’s statement isn’t an isolated incident. No, we’re not overreacting. We’re justifiably pissed off.
I have this mantra whenever I do anything involving popular culture. I got it from my friend Cynara (stitchtowhere), and she got it from a Canadian theorist whose name I cannot remember right this second:
It need not be a swoon.
Being critical of a thing does not mean that one hates a thing….